An Angel’s Son

10 years and still I haven’t coped.

The times I sat alone in deep thought of you,

Tears ran down, and my breath stopped.

At times I could not speak, when I harbor the thoughts,

And searched for the tiniest memory of you.

Sometimes I joke about you being gone,

To relieve the pain,

But damn why did it happen.

I know people have said not to question God.

But God doesn’t have my feelings and

He doesn’t cry when he thinks about the great loss.

And as I write I am paused by the tears.

Jealousy fills my heart to see a father with his son,

Knowing that I would never experience the joy and happiness of you.

I am the one your death hurt the most.

My flaws are an effect of you not being my guidance.

Oh how fun would it have been.

I am different than any other male.

I am a fatherless child!

And you died the 22nd of July 1991,

And I am still here wiping on the 15th of January 2001,

Your loss has been so great that I can never get over it.

No one can stop me from wanting you.

No one can stop me from questioning god.

No one can stop me from dreaming of what ifs.

I tried to be strong but I can’t.

You still haven’t taught me that yet.

by Pablo Diaz